#( THE LONGET BIO I EVER WROTE PROBABLY LMAO )

[kiiruna-a]

INTRODUCING : the hypochondriac .

name : sascha müller . gender : male . specie : human . nationality : german - american . age : forty . residence : washington, the us . occupation : audio engineer & freelance sexual health educator .

dream daddy oc .

germany, 1970s / 1990s .

sascha grew up as an only child in münchen, germany. he was raised under protestant christian parents that both worked as teachers, his mother for a university & his father for a high school. he grew up alongside the other babies that were born into the same church, & they made bonds that would hold through their entire life. he had the same friends with him through childhood, puberty & growing up into a young adult. his youth was nothing but idyllic, though the state of europe, & germany in particular, was far from recovered after the war, he lived under the best circumstances he could. his parents were academics who helped him develop into an avid reader, a hardworking student & the one kid who never missed a single piece of homework. he didn’t only have a group of friends who he knew would follow him to the end of the world, but he was also fawned upon due to his looks  that did not help him avoid what happens to all people at a certain age, however. grow ideas. grow individualistic goals & dreams. sascha dreamed of a conversion of the church that he grew up in. he felt he heard the voice of god speak to him, speak of love, openness, tolerance. he saw the lacking in the world, & so had everyone before him, though they could barely see the dirt underneath their own nails. sascha dreamed of an open church, to everyone, who would treat people as equals no matter if they’re priests or prostitutes, beggars, homosexuals or rowdy teenagers. he did not see rules or borders, but saw love. before he was brave enough to go through with this change, talking out loud about safe sex education & same-sex marriage within church, he traveled to usa with his group of friends for a whole year of bible studies. completely unexpectedly, he got stuck there. he fell in love with every piece of america & the lack of a grim war aftermath not lingering in the air he breathed. he fell in love with the nature, the great lakes & tall mountains, deep woods & vast desert. he felt his heart beat in the same pace as the side of the world that he found there, on his first trip outside of his home country that he ever made. so, young & dumb, sascha stayed while his friends, who had been by his side his entire life, went back home.

america, 1990s / 2010s .

sascha met her two years later. cynthia. he had lost his path in life, gotten lost in work, bills & being able to get by in a place where he knew absolutely no one. she changed that. a wild, passionate, warm woman that swept him away with her ways. a loud fighter for feminism; women’s rights, reproductive rights, minorities & natives. she was the dawn that woke sascha the hell up. he fell head over heels in love with her. she wasn’t religious, but she stood for everything that he stood for, & he felt safer & more relatable around her than ever before. he wasn’t afraid with her. he got married at twenty-one to the woman of his life. his parents did not approve of her, which was a great misery in sascha’s life at that point. they believed that she pulled him away from church & his faith, even though sascha didn’t feel less confident in his faith than ever before. they couldn’t listen to him. they could act polite when she was in the room, but they did not hesitate to let sascha know how worried they were once she left. for the first time since the move, sascha was glad that his parents were left in europe, where only letters would reach him. if they couldn’t see how happy he was, then they thought religion was more important than their own son. he could barely believe it, but with the years, they did lose touch almost completely. it was all on sascha himself. they never got to meet their grandson, jameson. he was born when sascha had turned twenty-three. due to the many ups & downs that sascha & cynthia experienced during both reproduction, pregnancy & birth, sascha was really shocked over the lack of knowledge that he, himself, had all years prior to his son’s first day in the world. he started to feel a need to change it all. he joined up with independent business focusing on education about sexual health, consent & safe sex. he became a sexual educator, passionate about answering every question youth had without making it awkward or uncomfortable, without incorporating fear or shame into their minds. sascha’s passion was however not just good for him, or for his family. the obsession that was hiding underneath it started to grow as fast as he knew that his wife was pregnant, & it included many sleepless nights researching the complications of pregnancy & giving birth. sascha had always been a bit of a paranoid man, but something in cynthia’s pregnancy really triggered something much more serious inside of him. an obsession with illness, an obsession with overanalyzing the most minor symptoms. despite his wife’s objections, he would constantly have a need to visit or call the doctor due to symptoms that weren’t at all unusual or dangerous, to the point where cynthia didn’t feel comfortable telling sascha about what she was feeling. he was obsessed with keeping her & the baby healthy, but it grew into a constant, undying anxiety that he’d carry with him long after the baby was born–– only with focus on serious illnesses of all sorts, for himself, for cynthia–– & for the baby. sascha grew into a sickly paranoid & overprotective father. he spent their money on unnecessary check-ups & lots of non-prescription medicine that he was never advised to buy. cynthia, however, still loved him, & this new side of him was simply something that she’d have to get used to. she wanted to help him. the two never had a fight over it, because sascha knew he had issues, he just couldn’t help it. he would often go to therapy, but he found himself there to be just as paranoid of the mental issues he could be diagnosed with as he was for cancer, tumors, bowel & skin disease. many years he dedicated his life to his new career of sex ed. he traveled the country from one school or youth center to the next. he was criticized & he was praised, but the appreciation that he received would at least for a long time feel as if it’d always keep him going. that was, however, not the case. as he got older, more people started to get uncomfortable. it was such a slow change that it took a long time for him to realize what was wrong. he became a middle-aged man, & suddenly the trust that he got from people faltered. when he was a handsome young man, women thought he was exciting & men thought he was cool. now, they all questioned his motives. parents was scared of their kids approaching him. after all his hard work, he was labeled a creep. he had to stop & find a new career. he felt defeated, but he couldn’t give up, because he had a kid to get to college. he started to educate himself in audio operating, engineering, & radio. he had always been working for free in the church to be in control of their audio during sundays, & he had his basic knowledge. it wasn’t an occupation that seemed like it’d bring amusement or englightement into his life, but it was something he could bear. he had no other idea what to do. so, after a rough year of counting pennies together with cynthia, he got his first job at a radio station. after that, he has jumped from place to place, & is now a very appreciated audio technician working for a bigger podcast. his personal life has, however, gone to pieces. all it took was one prediction to be right, one worry to be taken as another delusion. a wife sick of taking roadtrips to the hospital. an automatic action of calming down her quirky husband. then, it was too late. pancreatic cancer took cynthia away from him. one of the toughest type of cancers to spot before it has spread to other organs. she wasn’t a case unlike the rest. he should, however, have believed his instincts. he should have pushed it further. he–– he is never going to forgive himself. the death of the love of his life only made sascha worse with jameson. the two had always had a good relationship, but it soon came to the surface that it was all because of cynthia’s hard work of keeping them all sane. left on their own, sascha was suffocating & would sometimes even scare jameson, which would eventually turn into anger. while sascha never meant anything but love, never wanted anything but to simply not lose his last piece of cynthia, his last family, his only son, he couldn’t stop doing things that jameson hated, & eventually, jameson’s attitude became so bad that social services had to be contacted. he really wanted to get out of the house as soon as possible. now, he lives with a foster family during weekdays, & with sascha during weekends, so that he won’t feel that his father’s paranoia is choking him. all sascha ever wanted to do was prevent death. all he ever wanted to do was be a good husband, be a good father. all he wanted to do was help. looking back, he realizes, he has never made that happen.